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Heads turn when Ed represents his former high school girlfriend (guest star Sarah Lively) after she suspects her husband (guest star Tom Riis Farrell) of cheating on her and hires a sexy woman (guest star Crystal Allen) to test him. Elsewhere: Carol launches a campaign to win back school funding for the high school`s music program and its veteran teacher (guest star Anne Meara, "Fame") when budget cuts make it expendable; an uneasy Nancy suspects that nanny Carmella (guest star Teresa Yenque) isn`t qualified to take care of her baby and intends to find out more about her.
Ed agrees to help his former flame sue her husband for divorce. Cara hires Selma, a co-worker, to seduce her husband and see if he will cheat. If he does, Cara stands to take over a $100,000 pre-nuptual arrangement, meant to punish husband George for marital infidelities. Ed talks her out of going for the money in favor of simply finding out the truth.
Nancy takes into her head that while Carmella is doing a fine job as Sarah`s nanny, she and Mike know nothing about her. She arranges for Carmella to undergo a couple of tests to prove her fitness as a caregiver. Nancy stops Warren from seducing Carmella as she realizes the problem does not lie with Carmella, but within herself.
Carol takes on the task of preventing her beloved former music teacher from being forced into retirement. She unsuccessfully attempts to convince department heads into releasing some of the monies from their budgets to go towards the music program, and Phil jumps into the act, staging a benefit "concert". When these ploys ultimately fail, Mrs. G asks Carol to take her place as S.H.S.`s compassionate teacher.
"From the Morning" - Nick Drake
At close of episode
"We Built This City" - Jefferson Starship
Ed, Nancy, and Mike sing this in a restaurant, Mike later sings along with the radio
Ten Bucks
Ed bets Mike ten bucks he can`t finish his dinner in the restaurant without wearing his shirt. (Ed up $40).
Legal Update
Ed defends his first love, Cara Parsons, as she sues her husband George for divorce and a settlement of $100,000. While they seem on the verge of a victory, Ed talks Cara into forgetting the money in favor of simply finding out the truth about whether or not George cheated on her. After Cara leaves upon receiving the answer, Ed asks again for the truth, and finds that the truth may, in fact, be subjective. Ed`s record as a lawyer is now 7-5, with 4 settlements and one walk-away.
Stubbs Schemes
Phil organizes a concert with the townspeople of Stuckeyville (including Jessica, Donna, Gavin, Chuck, and other characters not seen for a while) to gather at Stuckeybowl and perform a song he wrote in honor of soon-to-retire music teacher Mrs. G. He gets the president of the board of ed. and the principal to attend the concert, but ultimately, the endeavor fails, simply because there isn`t enough money to keep Mrs. G on.
Sarah`s Nannies
Nancy tests Carmella`s mettle in a number of ways. She convinces Mike to pretend to choke to see how Carmella will react in an emergency. She asks Carmella about her interests, and even gets Warren to go to the door and try to "kidnap" Sarah. Carmella passes all the tests with flying colors, and Nancy realizes that she is not concerned with Carmella`s job. She simply wants to be home with her baby.
Fine Food and Drink
A smitten Carmella grills Mike about his preference for sausage patties versus links. Mike pretends to choke on Carmella`s Bundt cake. Later, Carmella offers to make Nancy a cup of Taster`s Choice while they chat. While Mark pours orange drink in the locker of a classmate, Cara reveals that she dumped a Friendly`s Fribble on her then fiance, George, when she discovered he was cheating on her. Warren gets some mayonnaise for his french fries, where Nancy snags him and asks him to help her test Carmella. Warren does so by telling Carmella to "bite the forbidden apple". Carol reveals that Mrs. G. once took her to the pie shop when she was feeling low, and Mrs. G. asks Carol to take her place there with Mark later to help him solve some of his problems.
Dave Alert!
Principal Gable is played by Alan Kalter, the Late Show`s announcer.
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"It is an honor to finally meet the brave woman who deflowered young Edward."
- Phil Stubbs (on meeting Cara Parsons)
"Believe me, Mrs. G., you don't have to tell Warren Cheswick how to make a woman sing."
- Warren Cheswick (as Mrs. G suggests he play his clarinet like woman, and not try to force it quite so much)
"I vote for Dubya because Gore is so stiff, like a piece of wood. I hear that on the talk shows."
- Carmela (when Nancy asks her about her vote in the prior election)
"Hey buddy, if Nancy wants to throw a hot babe my way, let's not interfere with that!"
- Dr. Mike Burton (as Ed tells the Burtons about Cara`s scheme, and Nancy formulates one herself)
"Ed, one of the goals I have set for myself as your legal assistant is to make sure that when you are drinking coffee, and you finish the coffee, your cup is refilled with more coffee."
- Shirley Pifko ()
"That was nothing, Dr. Burton. I used the Heimlich Maneuver. It's such a wonderful maneuver."
- Carmela (receiving Mike`s thanks for "saving his life")
"If you let me inside, I will take you on a journey of pleasure. Bite the forbidden apple, Carmella. You will find it sweet."
- Warren Cheswick (trying to seduce Carmella to let him in the Burtons` house)
"I figure I'll go downtown once a month, maybe work the hotel lobbies, sell my body to aging divorcees."
- Dr. Mike Burton (on how he and Nancy can earn money while they both stay home with Sarah)
"Well, honey, you really think we can live on thirty-eight cents a month?"
- Nancy Burton (on Mike`s plan)
Beetlejuice (Michael Keaton)
USA For Africa
Jefferson Starship
Fletch (Chevy Chase)
Dan Akroyd
Temptation Island
Mr. Holland`s Opus
Save the Music
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