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Carol recruits Ed to argue on behalf of her prized student, a brainiac whose failing grade in gym class could derail his scholarship to a prestigious college -- but upon further review, Ed risks her wrath when he not only agrees with the stubborn gym coach (guest star Michael Gaston), but switches to become his lawyer in a civil suit. Meanwhile, Mike`s professional skills as a doctor are challenged when he is humiliated by his older, more sadistic colleague, Dr. Jerome, and Shirley (Rachel Cronin) coaxes a skeptical Ed to give her a tryout as his official legal assistant.
Carol goes to Ed seeking legal advice. She wants to know if a student can sue a teacher over a bad grade, and then tells the tale of her prized student Clark, who is in danger of receiving a D+ from the high school basketball coach. Ed gives Carol some advice, but later defends the coach in court, while Warren Cheswick steps in to assist Clark in passing the upcoming fitness test. .
Shirley asks Ed if she can become his legal secretary, desiring a change from bowling alley life. When Ed agrees to take a chance, Phil immediately interviews new candidates to take over Shirley`s position. Ed refuses to allow Phil to hire anyone new, but takes a chance on Shirley.
Dr. Jerome continues to torture Mike in the practice. He insists Mike`s diploma is a forgery, covers the office with post-it notes naming various items, and has 4 small children put on a play supposedly depicting Mike`s ineptitude. Mike decides to get back at Dr. Jerome by staging a play of his own, only to discover that he has indeed misdiagnosed a patient he saw earlier.
"Perfect Day" - Lou Reed
During fitness test scene
"Forgiveness" - Patty Griffin
During climactic convenience store scene
Ten Bucks
Ed bets Mike ten bucks that he can`t do "the Snake Dance" in front of a bunch of people waiting at a bus stop. (Ed up $50)
Legal Update
Ed accepts to be the council for Frank Corwin, a local basketball coach being sued for giving a poor grade to one of the school`s brightest and Carol`s favorite student. While Ed initially fights for the coach on the principle of his right to grade a student as he sees fit, he later discovers that Corwin`s motives are not all together principled and excuses himself from serving as defense. All parties involved later come to an amicable decision regarding what should be done. Ed`s record as a lawyer is now 7-5 with three settlements and one walk-away.
Stubbs Schemes
Phil interviews a gaggle of young, attractive women to replace Shirley in the snack bar. When Ed refuses to hire anyone new, Phil takes on his preferred candidate as an intern.
Fine Food and Drink
This episode is another festival of fine food. Ed touts the gastric delights of peanut butter and bacon sandwiches to a disbelieving Mike, who must then admit that Ed did turn him on to the phenomenon of Cheez-Whiz and SweetTarts. Shirley receives revelation of change while ordering Combos pretzel snacks, while Carol compares Coach Corwin`s intellect to that of a Pop-Tart. Dr. Jerome`s sadistic play about Mike begins when Wendy, the receptionist, hands Mike a box of popcorn to eat while enjoying the show. Dr. Jerome also suggests in his play that Mike earned his medical degree from a box of Fruit Loops.
Dave Alert!
Mike`s patient, Mrs. Butkus, has the same name as a many time winner of the Late Show`s Secret Word Game. The character is played by Late Show producer Jude Brennan.
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"I was ordering Combos yesterday. The pretzels with the cheese in them. And I decided instead to order the pretzels with the peanut butter in them. For a change. But I realized, that change was not enough. I need more."
- Shirley Pifko (when approaching Ed for a job as a legal assistant)
"I'm very organized. For example, I store the bendy straws and the straight straws separately."
- Shirley Pifko (pitching her skills to Ed for his consideration)
"Bendy straws make drinking more pleasurable. I'm phasing out the straights."
- Shirley Pifko (response to Ed`s not knowing Stuckeybowl had bendy straws)
"She's cool. I mean, I've hit her with some pretty deep inside the soul type stuff and she's always been rock-n-roll solid with me. And I gotta say, she's opened up to me a few times."
- Warren Cheswick (reassuring Clark that he can trust Carol with his problem)
"While I'm gifted with a natural athletic prowess, my friend Clark is not as fortunate, genetically speaking."
- Warren Cheswick (on Clark`s problems in gym class)
"What a marvelous piece of craftsmanship! Whoever forged this diploma must really take pride in his work. I mean, it looks just like the real thing!"
- Dr. Walter Jerome (when confronting Mike in his office)
"You don't get to disagree, you knuckle-dragging cretin! I have been a doctor for half a century. You have been a doctor since lunch! I am a man, you are a child! I know everything, you know nothing!"
- Dr. Walter Jerome (humiliating Mike further)
"Number two pencils...you know, if things go really well, we'll bump you up to number three pencils."
- Ed Stevens (examining Shirley`s office supplies as she sets up her desk)
"We talked it through, chewed on it, knocked it about, hashed it over, bandied it back and forth."
- Ed Stevens (to Carol`s inquiries about his meeting with the Coach)
"Let me begin by putting this very large buffing machine between the two of us... I think the guy might actually be, you know, a little bit...right."
- Ed Stevens (trying to avoid Carol`s wrath as he sides with Coach Corwin)
"I am in the Twilight Zone! I have entered a completely different dimension in which Ed Stevens is being a complete dope!"
- Carol Vessey (when Ed admits that he thinks Corwin is right)
"Ed, we are hemorrhaging here without Shirley. I beg you to stop your complacency."
- Phil Stubbs (when Ed refuses to allow him to hire a new staff member)
"Albert Einstein was put on this earth to come up with the theory of relativity. Alexander Graham Bell, the telephone. James Louis Kraft individually wrapped slices of cheese. Molly Hudson's great purpose on this earth? Not yet decided, but I can tell you, for sure, what it is not, and that is to be a go-between for the greatest romance of our time: Edward J. Stevens, Carol Phyllis Vessey. Will they? Won't they? They fight! They're friends! Ooooh, what will happen next?"
- Molly Hudson (when Ed asks advice for what to do about Carol)
"Bosco, I didn't hire her, she's my intern. And that's a win-win situation all the way around, baby!"
- Phil Stubbs (when Ed catches sight of an interviewee spraying shoes behind the counter)
"Every dog has its day, Dr. Jerome, and today is mine. Yessir, today is mine!"
- Dr. Mike Burton (on his own little play to humiliate Dr. Jerome)
Rocky Balboa
Candid Camera
The Twilight Zone
Lois Lane
Robert Frost
Emily Dickinson
Sean Connery
Albert Einstein
Kraft
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